Eternity Lasts Forever
by castielslittlebitch
Summary: Remus has so many problems, too much for him to deal with. He's in love with one of his best friends, he doesn't eat anything anymore, and he's a werewolf, not to mention the fact that his parents back home are severely abusive. Rated M for language, violence, child abuse, content, and sexual content. REDONE from chapter 14 and on. Hiatus is FINALLY over!
1. Prank

"Hey Remus, try some sproingle syrup with your flatcakes; it makes them taste so much bloody better!"

I glance over at Sirius, and a small dart strikes my heart. He's currently going out with Ivy Emerson, who was considered a school hottie at the time. She was currently sitting at the Ravenclaw table, her cool, icy blue eyes never Sirius' face.

"Sirius, I already told you, that stuff makes me sick," I say, noticing that his flatcakes are soaked with the sproingle syrup. Of course I'm lying about the syrup being too sweet for me. I lie about everything. I hear a snapping sound next to me and see Peter nervously chomping on a chocolate snap, his eyes never staying in the same spot for more then a second. James is scooping up some orange gelatin cubes, and I wonder how he can even eat them and actually liking them.

"But it's so bloody good! How can sweet stuff make you sick?" Sirius looks so confused right now, and a stab of guilt strikes me once more. If only he knew. "Sweet things just don't settle well in my stomach, that's all. It really isn't my fault."

"At least try a little bit, then."

"No, Sirius."

"Not even a spoonful?"

"Fine, dammit. I'll have a spoonful of something that makes me feel sick."

As I grab the ladle for the syrup I see him smirk a little, knowing that he's gotten his way once more. A small amount of the sickening syrup splats itself on my nearly-empty plate. I only got a bread bun to take up space on it, to make it look like I was actually eating something. This syrup is really going to make me sick. I take a small sampling of the syrup and find it really isn't that bad.

"Fine. So it isn't that horrible."

Sirius' face brightened up, and my heart beat a little faster then usual.

"Told ya it was sweet."

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

It's night now, and the crescent moon glows in the pitch black sky. James and Sirius have planned something wicked for Severus Snape tonight, and Peter, of course, is trudging along because he completely idolizes James. I go just because I don't like to see my friends get into trouble, and then for me not to get into trouble; it just doesn't work that way for me, so I act as a hall scout in a way.

Severus has always been James and Sirius' main target, probably because Severus is very close with Lily Evans, James' crush. I usually feel bad for him whenever he's hung upside down or joked at or locked in Filch's closet. Sometimes, make that all the time, I really want to help him, but it's better to just stay out of it all then become a part of it.

Whenever James and Sirius pull off thier pranks, I usually just stay outside of the room and look out for any professors looking around for any stray students roaming the halls after hours. I almost always hear them clamber down the halls, but one time we all got caught trying to graffiti the whole Slytherin house. It ended with a conclusion of getting detentions, cleaning the boys bathrooms, and getting one hundred points deducted from Gryffindor house for each of us. We received death looks from the rest of the House for a month.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGG GGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

James and Sirius come bolting out of the Slytherin Common Room, laughing hysterically like hyenas. No doubt the shrill scream belonged to Severus. I don't have a clue on how they even managed to get into the Slytherin Common Room, and I don't want to know either. I see Peter clumsily bumble out, and James nearly rips off Peters arm off as he practically drags him down the hall. I sigh and start to run after them, heading straight for the Gryffindor Common Room.


	2. Black Out

I flush the toilet, watching the sickening swirling of my vomit flow down, making my stomach churn even more then it was a few seconds ago. I just rushed from breakfast, and then I'd vomited the three bites I had of fizzen eggs that I'd miraculously eaten somehow. I wait for the dizziness to pass, and then I head over to the sink to clean myself up.

I look into the dirty mirror and see a tired, thin face staring back with hollow eyes. Shadows have painted themselves underneath my tired, brown eyes and you can clearly see my cheekbones through my pale skin. In other words, I look worse then dog crap.

I go over to my first class, Divination, and I already see Sirius standing there, as if waiting for me to arrive. He looks slightly startled when he sees me coming.

"Remus! Are you okay? The way you suddenly bolted from the table..."  
"Don't worry about a thing, Sirius, I'm fine. I just really had to piss, that's all."

He laughed a little, the worry vanishing from his dark eyes. Thank God for that. I hate it when he's anxious or worried about something. "Well, then, I guess I'm going to have to predict if you're going to do that again today or not," He says, still laughing a little.

We both laughed at that, knowing that Divinitation was full of shit. Our professor, Harriet Winter, might as well have been a Muggle; all she did was make herself look like a complete moron in front of everyone, including the other professors. The other students even had a nickname for her: Professor Muggle.

We were about to go over to the scarlet poufs when another wave of dizziness wahed over me like a tsunami, and I had to lean over on a table for a second and try to stop seeing triple of everything. "Remus?" I saw three Sirius' coming over to me, thier voices slightly warped. The last thought before blackness came was, 'Why in Gods name are there three Sirius' talking to me?'

The next thing I knew, I was staring up at Sirius' worried face, and James and Peter were sitting besides me

"Remus! How are you feeling?"

I cracked a smile, knowing that that'd make them all less anxious for me. "Besides from a pounding headache, I'm feeling fine. Now what happened?"

James shifted uneasily in his seat, and then he said softly, "You passed out in Divination a few hours ago. God, you had us all worried sick."

"We all begged Professor Dumbledore to let us stay with you until you woke up," piped up Peter while fidgeting in his chair.

I instantly felt guilty for making my friends freak out like that, and I couldn't imagine what Dumbledore had had to do... "God, I'm sorry guys. I don't know what happened to me back there." But of course I know. I just don't want to say it out loud.

"Just...just try not to do it again, okay?" Sirius asked sincerely.

"Of course I'm going to try not to black out again, Sirius."

"You better not be doing this for the attention."

"I'm not like you."

This made him smile a little, and then he said seriously, "But please, Remus, just..."

"I'll make sure to tell somebody if I feel dizzy again, Sirius."

"...Thanks."


	3. Loony, Loopy Lupin

Madame Pomfrey forced me to stay in the Infirmary up until the next morning, something that I really hated. I was released just before Potions, a class I had with Peter.

Peter usually just copied off of me, and I didn't really mind that. Professor Slughorn, the Potions professor, didn't really appreaciate that, but he never voiced his opinion out loud to the both of us. Lily Evans was in our class too, and her work was always so perfectly neat and organized. Peter always got nervous around her and turned a tomato red whenever they even got a yard away from each other. I guess he was scared of revealing James' secret crush on her. I thought it was obvious, but apparantly not.

Once again Peter was mimicking my work, and of course Evans (that's what James calls her, and I guess it just rubbed off on us all after awhile.) was perfect, her sorali potion a glittering golden color and a sweet scent rising from the cauldron in golden, hazy, puffy rolls of mist and vapor.

My sorali potion wasn't as magnificent as hers, but it wasn't too bad and it was passable. Peters was...funky. Somehow he had missed a step, and now his potion was a murky, brown color, and it smelled like decomposing food, which was a disgusting scent on its own.

Lunch came after that, and seeing so much food made me feel sick again. That always happened whenever I was shuffled into the Great Hall and saw all hte food again and again and again, every day.

Of course, my friends didn't know anything about the whole, not-eating-but-when-I-do-force-myself-to-puke thing, and they had no clue about me bieng a werewolf. Hey, what they didn't know couldn't hurt them, right?

At lucnh I made it look like I was eating something, but of course I wasn't really eating. I had actually started to forget what some foods tasted like, something that I just shoved away as unimportant to my life. I knew that I had lost a lot of weight, and I could easily count my ribs, but I honestly could care less about that factor. Even thinking about eating made me want to hurl. I couldn't even drink a butterbeer at Hogsmeade without ending up in the bathroom, bent over a toilet and puking my guts out like I had a bad hangover.

I thought that a few people had started to notice that something wasn't right, and Sirius would often glance over at me to check if I were okay or not. Even some professors cast me worried glances, but they were probably more concerned about my 'furry little problem' then me collapsing.

My next class was Defense Against the Dark Arts, a favorite class of mine that I had with James, Peter, and Sirius. But before I could even take a single step towards the class, I felt the familiar nausea growing in my gut, and I immeaditly rushed off to the closest boys bathroom.

As I vomited what little was in my stomach, I noticed there was scarlet mixed with my vomit, and I realized it was my blood, and I knew that wasn't a good sign. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Peeves the Poltergeist shot into the bathroom, asif he knew I was in there so he could torment me even more then he usually did. He then started singing an irratating song that made my head spin:

'Loopy, loony Lupin,

Loony, loopy Lupin.

He cowers in the bathroom,

And can't ride a broom.

He calls himself a wizard,

But he's greener then any lizard.'

The stupid song was repeated over and over again, but I could barely hear it due to my ringing ears. I saw five toilets in front of me, and my limbs had all gone numb. I tried to move, to say something, but my body might as well have weighed more then a bloody whales ass, and the only sound that came out of my mouth as a sort of half-gasp. And then I blinked out of existance.


	4. St Cathrines Hospital

I first heard an annoying beeping sound that came once every two seconds. I wished it would just shut up and let me sleep, but then there was an explosion of firey pain in my gut, something that really woke me up.

I opened my eyes and saw white. For a few seconds I thought I had died and was about to go into heaven. Then I remembered that there wasn't supposed to be any kind of pain in heaven, so I guessed I wasn't dead or dieing, though it sure as hell felt like it And god was I in pain.

Warped voices sounding like whale songs sorrounded me, probably trying to console me, but it didn't work. At. All. Oh god oh god oh god...it hurt like hell. Let everything end already. Let the agony end. Suddenly I really wanted Sirius there with me, to try and stop the damned pain.

"S'rus...S'rus..."

It took me a minute to realize that I was the one talking. Thank God for that. I could at least talk a little, even if it was a little slurred. Okay, a lot slurred. I heard somebody talking about 'needing food', and the words nearly made me hurl all over again. Finally, the pain won the fight and I blacked out again.

The next time I woke up, I saw Sirius sleeping in a chair next to my bed. Wires were running themselves into my arms and into machines that monitered my heartbeat and breathing levels. (I was taking Muggle Studies, so I knew these things. I always knew that the class would somehow be useful.)

Dumbledore suddenly slipt into the room, and he slightly lit up when he saw I was awake. He was wearing Muggle clothing, something that looked strange for him to be wearing, and he quickly strode over to the side of the bed and asked softly, "How are you feeling, Remus?"

"...Pr'sr...m'kay..."

"You're in St. Cathrines Hospital; it's of the Muggle world."

"...M'gle?"

"Yes. St. Mungo's could do nothing to help you, so I decided to move you to a Muggle hospital, as they have machines. Do you want to know what your diagnosis is?"

"Y's, Pr'sr..."

Dumbledore took in a shuddery breath, as if forever haunted by the diagnosis, and then he continued softly, "You've been diagnosed with anerexia, Remus. You weight is ninety-seven pounds, which is about sixty pounds less then it should be for a Muggle for your age. But since you have a...condition, you should weigh even more then that."

He came a bit closer to me, and then said, "Remus, this is serious. According to the Muggle doctors, your heart stopped beating for five minutes, and your stomach might as well not exist. Why would you do this to yourself, Remus?"

And then it was like a dam had broken inside of me. I tried my best to talk normally, but I could tell that I was slurring a lot. Plus, it didn't help that Muggle drugs were pumping themselves into my body that kept me painless in some mysterious way.

I told him about my parents and how my father had tried to kill me after finding out about my 'disease'. I told him about the agonizing transformations and how I could smell everyone in Hogsmeade and how I wanted to turn them all into the freak I was. I told him about letting Peter cheat off me in Potions and pranking Severus and James' secret crush on Evans and how I was in love with Sirius, but that was probably the drugs talking.

When I spoke (or tried to speak clearly) Dumbledore didn't interrupt me even once to say anything. He occasionally nodded at a few things that I said. Midway he sat down on the beds edge, probably because I had been talking for hours and hours.

I guess I really had been talking for hours at end, because soon I found that my voice was hoarse and husky, like I had lost it. No doctors came into the room, something I was grateful for, because there was no way that I would be stopping for anything. Pretty soon I really had lost my voice and I could no longer pour out all of my shit onto Dumbledore. I literally couldn't talk, and the only sound that came out of my mouth was a scratchy, sort of whining sound.

"Thank you for sharing this all with me, Remus," Dumbledore said, seeing that I couldn't talk anymore. There was a long stretch of silence between us, and I saw that he looked so sad, so alone there on the bed. I wanted to say something, but my lips soundlessly mouthed the words I was going to say. I managed to shakily push myself up so I was sitting up in a slightly painful way, and then I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, the only other way I knew of trying to comfort him.


	5. The Kiss

Please R&R...^^

After that Dumbledore had to leave in order to deal with the Ministry of Magic, who were bitching about transporting me to a Muggle hospital without first receiving permission from them

So, it was just me and Sirius in the hospital room, which was perfectly fine with me. Doctors would occasionally come into the room to check on my machines, make sure I was okay, all that stuff. I simply nodded or shook me head at their questions, no wanting t sound like a soundless zombie again.

When it was just me and Sirius in the room and it was about nine at night and I was about to go to sleep, Sirius woke up. He instantly started when he noticed I was awake, and a barrage of questions instantly state to be pounded onto me.

"Remus! Are you okay? How long have you been awake? How long was I out? Where'd Dumbledore go? How are you feeling? Do you wanna eat anything? Are you thirsty? Is there any kind of pain? Do you need me to get you anything at all?"

It, all in all, was literally a tsunami of questions. I obviously couldn't talk, and facial expressions aren't always clear, so I gave him a weak excuse for a thumbs-up to reassure him that, yes, I was fine and no, I didn't need anything. I couldn't lift my arms from the bed at all, so I really hoped he could see the sign I was giving him.

The Muggle doctors had given me some more Muggle drugs the last time they had come into my room, so my limbs were slightly numb and it felt like my fingertips were buzzing. Huh. It was a very annoying feeling, and I really wished it would just stop.

Sirius looked so relieved when he noticed my excuse for a thumbs-up, and a ghost of aile passed over his face for a few mere seconds.

"God, Remus, you scared the hell outta all of us. When Professor Finchley found you by the toilet..."

I saw his eyes grow misty, tears threatening to spill over, and I hated the sight. Sirius wasn't supposed to be crying or sad. He wasn't supposed to be crying at all. He managed to somewhat compose himself, and then continued in a small voice.

"Professor Finchley carried you out of the bathroom and...oh god Remus...I thought you were dead. You were so pale and the blood...it...it wouldn't stop coming out from your mouth, Remus. Even Peeves was stunned, and for once he wasn't pranking people or trying to pull someone's pants down."

I wordlessly asked him how long I had been in the hospital, lips forming the words but no sound coming out. Sirius could see what I was trying to ask him, and a single tear dropped from his eye.

"A...a bloody week. One bloody...week."

And then he just broke down right after saying that, burying his face in his arms and his body racked with sobs.

It took him ten minutes to calm down a little, and guilt invaded my heart once more. I was a horrible, horrible person. I had caused all this shit to happen. It was my fault. Mine. My fault Sirius was crying like a child. My fault Dumbledore had to deal with the bloody Ministry. My fault for being a moron and getting bitten. My fault for being cursed by the moons lunar rays. My fault for scaring everybody at school, professor or not.

"...m'...f'lt..."

Sirius looked from where he had buried his head in his arms, a neutral light glittering in those dark eyes of his. "What?"

"...s'...m'...f'lt...S'rus."

"No. No it's not. This is not your fault, Remus. This is nobody's fault. You understand that"

"Mmmmmhh...'s m' f'lt...b'tn..."

His face froze up. I couldn't stop myself from saying it out loud. Shit. Oh shit.

"What? What're you talkin' about?"

_Shut up Remus. Shut the hell up. Don't say it out loud. Don't do it. He'll just leave you alone to die. You'll be killed by you psychotic father and homophobic mother if you don't shut up. Please shut up! _My inner voice screamed out at the top of its lungs, nearly making its voice hoarse.

But I couldn't stop. The drugs wouldn't let me. The damn Muggle drugs wouldn't let me lie again to my best friend, my hearts desire.

"M' b'tn...w'lf..."

Sirius was frozen in place, eyes wide and yet emotionless. It looked like he was starting to understand what the drugs were forcing me to say out loud.

"You were bitten by a...wolf?"

"Nuh...n't w'lf...w'rw'lf...mmmhhh..."

He stood up, the horrid truth dawning on him like a sunrise. This is where he leaves me. This is where I never see him again. This is where it all ends. This is where I never, ever see my loves face. _Ever. _God help me.

"You were bitten by a...werewolf."

"...Y's."

"You are a werewolf now?"

"Y's."

Sirius gripped the bed sheets, creating even more folds in the scratchy, cram-colored fabric. His dark eyes hold some form of emotion, but me being in my drugged state can't decipher it.

And suddenly...suddenly his hands are running through my chestnut hair, and his lips are press onto mine, tongue dancing in my mouth like a professional ballerina. Oh god. Oh god...I can taste faint traces of butterscotch in his mouth, and then he's looking me in my eyes, lips no longer connected. I am absolutely shocked out of my mind. Wow. Just...wow.

"Remus, I don't give a fuck if you're a werewolf or if you're anorexic and people shoot you weird looks because of it. I don't care about any of that crap. All I care about is you and if you're okay. I will always fuckin' love you."

"B't...'vy?"

"Ivy?"

"Y's."

"That relationship ended two days ago. I only asked her out because James wouldn't stop annoying me about asking her out."

Oh. Oh. I should've seen it. Sirius never looked Ivy directly in the eyes whenever they both talked to each other. And whenever they spoke it ws always slightly awkward between the two.

I am dumbfounded. He loves me. Sirius Black loves me, Remus Lupin. He is talking to me, right? He grips the sheets even tighter, knuckles growing white. Oh god. He's serious. He loves me. This is beyond my dreams and hopes and prayers and everything that I've ever wanted.

He can see the shock written all over my face, and he smiles slightly and lightly kisses me again. I heard the heart monitor beep faster, and he pushed himself away then.

"Can't get you too excited, Remus, or Dumbledore'll have my head when you end up going into cardiac arrest."

Sleep tugs at me, but before I give in to it I say in my slurred, drugged voice, "S'ty...S'rus. Pl's s'ty."

"Of course."

My last sight is his beautiful, beautiful face.


	6. Recovery Is Never Easy

This story has come a loooooooooong way already! I'm planning on having more than ten chapters, and I'm really hoping to hit in the twenties, so hopefully I get there! Anyways, please R&R! ^^

I had to stay in St. Cathrines for another week, as the doctors said the reason I had puked up blood was because my stomachs interior walls had been starting to deteriorate. Fantastic. Guess that's what happens when you don't eat for God knows how long.

On my third conscious day in the hospital, I started to cough up clots of blood, and Sirius had had to leave the room for a few hours as the doctors made sure I was stable and so forth. But after all the excitement was over and done with, Sirius asked me out...well, it was more like he asked me _in_. As there was no way I would be leaving the hospital, Sirius and I would have to have our first date inside the hospital. He later brought up Muggle food that consisted of 'waffles' and an 'egg omelet'.

I had three small pieces of the omelet, as he had gotten it for me, and almost puked. Not that it was disgusting. It was, in fact, delicious. I could've eaten them all day if I were in a 'normal' condition, but I wasn't, so three bites would have to do. But, nevertheless, I somehow managed to keep it all inside without seeing it come back up. Sirius was so happy it looked like his face would be forever frozen in that huge smile.

James and Peter visited me on my fifth conscious day, and they found the Muggle world...intriguing. They were constantly asking questions about the nurses and machines and the 'weird beeping noises'. They both turned a little green when they noticed that the wires and tubes were running into my arms and body, but they both faithfully remained with me, knowing that I was more important then them feeling sick. Sirius hadn't told them about me being a werewolf, and I was grateful for that.

Even Evans (sorry, I mean Lily.) swung by to visit me twice. The first she brought a dancing teddy bear, and the second she managed to coax Severus to come along with her, though he looked out of place and highly nervous. I made sure to somehow lose James, Peter, and Sirius by telling them about the wonderful omelets in the hospitals kitchens and how I thought they should try them.

Severus was standing there, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet, so I decided to start to the conversation.

"Listen, Severus...I'd like to apologize for my friends' behaviors to you. They can sometimes act like a bunch of morons and dicks and gits to people that they're jealous of."

His dark eyes seemed to perk up a bit when I said the word, 'jealous'. I smiled a little, then said, "Yes. James is jealous of you, Severus. Sirius only follows James' actions because...well...that's what friends do, and Peter only follows both of them because he admires them both. James is jealous of how close you are with Ev- sorry, I mean Lily. That's the only reason why they pick on you."

Severus blinked blankly, and then nodded numbly and mumble something about how he wanted me to get better soon, and then scurried out the hospitals door like a little mouse. He was so cute whenever he did that. But Sirius would always, always, _always _by the reason my heart even bothered to beat.

Finally, after spending two weeks in the hospital, I was freed. It was scary for me, knowing that I had a very long, _long _way to get fully recovered, but I knew I wouldn't be alone; I would always have my three good friends with me.

When I arrived at Hogwarts via Apparating with Dumbledore, I was ushered into the hallway by the Great Hall hurriedly by him, who winked at me and Apparated once more into thin air. Sirius, James, and Peter weren't with me, and I noticed that there were no professors or students roaming the halls. So, I made my way to the Great Hall myself, using the walls for support. The portraits and paintings gave me encouraging looks, some of them flashing grins at me and others cheering me on like I was running a Muggle marathon. Had Dumbledore told _everyone_?

The doors were shut to the Great Hall, so I weakly managed to shove them open and-

"WELCOME BACK REMUS!"

I saw all the students and professors were all there, and I saw to my amazement that the Great Hall usual starry night sky had been transformed to a night sky bursting with rainbow firecrackers and multi-colored fireworks. Dumbledore stood at the very front of the Great Hall, beaming brighter then the sun along with the other professors, and the students were giving me a standing ovation, something that made me blush a deep scarlet.

Sirius walked up to me and helped me to my usual spot at Gryffindor table, and Dumbledore gave a short speech welcoming me back to Hogwarts, something that made me want to disappear under an Invisibility Cloak. But, unfortunately, James had left it in its usual spot in Gryffindor tower.

After the speech Dumbledore made the food appear, and my friends shot me reassuring looks and glances, giving me the strength I needed right at that moment. Since I had been eating a little in the hospital, I now could eat seven small bites without puking my guts out, something that was extremely useful for me in gaining all the weight back.

I looked at all the food on the table, making mental notes on which foods were too heavy for me to be eating at that moment. That's when I noticed that _everything _would've been too much for my stomach to handle, and I wasn't exactly sure of what to do then.

Just then, a silver platter of perfectly shaped, egg omelets appeared in front of my plate. I leaned back a bit to look at Dumbledore, who did nothing but smile sunnily at me, like he had had nothing to do with it.

And god do I love omelets.


	7. Hogsmeade

Please R&R...^^

"Shit," I breathed, looking at the lunar charts. The full moon was fast approaching for this Thursday, and it was already Tuesday. Damn. Time sure does sly when you're trying to recover.

It was a week since the huge welcome-back to Hogwarts had happened. Things were pretty much returning back to normal for me, which was a huge relief for me. I had, so far, gained a pound ever since waking up in the hospital two weeks ago. I could now eat one small-sized meal a day. To celebrate, Dumbledore let me, Sirius, Peter, and James go to Hogsmeade for the day, even though it was in the middle of June.

It was fantastic there. James had nearly emptied his pockets of money only to stuff them with caramel lickers and banana-fudge pops at Honeydukes. Sirius and I shared a large, fluffy cloud cone the color of a lemon, though he had most of it And Peter...god...he went crazy over the chocolate frogs and the strawberry squirters. He was literally jumping around on the walls like a real frog.

I even had a bit of butterbeer, and it was hysterical watching James get high on it. Even Peter couldn't help but laugh at his idol. I was starting to feel cold, even though it was in the middle of June, and the butterbeer really warmed me up and kept me feeling toasty.

When we passed by the 'Shrieking Shack', I couldn't help but shudder. Every bloody month I went there. And I would be returning there this Thursday. I hadn't told Sirius about my going there, and I wasn't planning on telling him anything more about me being a werewolf. Talking about it made me...uneasy in a way.

"Are you cold?" Sirius asked, noting the shudder and concern scrawled on his face. I looked over at him, looking into his dark eyes. I knew that I had on two sweaters, socks, heat-attracting pants, and my school robes, but I was still a bit cold, especially whenever a breeze decided to swing by.

"A little. I should've worn more clothes, I guess," I said, not exactly telling him the whole truth. Everyone at Hogwarts knew the story of the 'Shrieking Shack'; they just didn't know it was me screaming in there every month, and they really didn't know that fact either. Sirius took off his school robes and handed them to me and said, "Here, wear these. That way I'll be cooler and you'll be warmer."

And so, after putting on Sirius' school robes, I hae to admit I looked a little disgruntled, but I was at least warmer then I had been before. And I really didn't give a fuck on what I looked like at that moment.

"Hey, why don't we check out the Shrieking Shack?" James suggested, looking over at the Shack with excitement making his eyes glow like flames.

"Oh...it looks scary, though. Besides, what about the spirits that haunt it? What if they find us in there, poking around? Won't they try to kill us or something like that?" Peter asked nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot constantly. I shuddered again. If we ended up going there...oh god...

"C'mon, Peter, stop being a wuss. Besides, everybody needs a good scare once in a while, right?" Sirius said, punching Peters shoulder. He then looked over at me and asked, "Hey, what about you Remus? You wanna go into the Shack?"

If I said no, then Sirius and James would be disappointed and Peter would be grateful and forever be clinging to my arm in gratitude. If I said yes, then Sirius and James would be estatic, Peter would be freaking out, and I would be forced to re-live my agonizing transformations. _Again. _

"Well...I don't really care if we go in or not. Whatever you guys want to do is fine with me," I said carefully, clasping my boney hands together.

"Fantastic! Let's go then!" James said, already heading towards that damned shack. Sirius grabbed my hand and nearly ended up dragging me towards the Shack.

"Oh god..." I muttered. What had I gotten myself into now?


	8. The Shrieking Shack

I'm sooo sorry for not updating any sooner then today! My life' been all ~~~ lately, so I'll be trying to update sooner next time.

We made our way to the Shack, and every step closer created dread to grow bigger and bigger within me. And finally, we were standing right smack in front of it.

"It's so quiet," Peter whispered, quivering. I couldn't agree more; even though I knew what really went on in there once a month, the silence was still eerie. "Well, I think it's a perfect, real first date," Sirius said, looking over at me. God I loved it when he did that. It was so..._sexy. _

We crept in, the floorboards creaking nearly every damn step who all took. James and Sirius looked so excited, so exhilarated on being there, and Peter looked like he had just seen someone being brutally murdered. I tried to put on a why-the-hell-am-I-even-wasting-my-time face, but I don't think I managed to pull it off as well as I hoped I would.

Finally, (and thankfully) James decided that exploration time was over..until Sirius found that damn _room_. The room where I went every month to transform. Ugh, god...why didn't I just say no in the first place?

Peter had started to really shake now, but of course James and Sirius ignored this and continued looking around the room, fascinated by the jagged, scarred wood and the scattered wooden chairs that were trashed up by the 'ghosts'. I stayed behind a little, trying not to be swarmed by the hellish memories. What the hell was I even doing there again?

I started to feel a little dizzy, and then I remembered it had been a few hours since I had last eaten. Had Dumbledore told me to try and eat every two hours? Or had it been just one? I leaned against the wall, trying to pull myself together.

"Hey, Remus, you okay?" Sirius asked me, concern painted on his face like a masterpiece. He even looked hot when worried about something.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just give me a few moments; I'm a little dizzy."

He smiled painfully, then gave me a light peck on the lips and said, becoming serious once more, "Okay, but don't just rush it. You're still recovering. But, hey, at least you told me, right?"

This made me smile a little. "Hey, I swore I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but we should be getting back to Hogwarts anyways; it's getting dark outside. C'mon guys, let's go." Sirius then grabbed my hand and turned to leave, making everybody else fall into line and follow us. James looked slightly disappointed, and Peter looked like he would forever be worshipping Sirius for doing this.

As we left, I didn't know how to feel. Sure, I was ecstatic for being with Sirius. But...I felt so guilty and just...pissed at myself. It was my fault that Sirius couldn't have a proper boyfriend, and even if I got over this whole anorexia thing, I still wouldn't be a normal boyfriend to him. It just wasn't fair to him. He deserved so much more then I ws giving him.

I handed him back his school robes one we arrived at Hogwarts, saying I wasn't cold anymore. By the time we got back, it was already dinner, se we went in to eat. As I saw all the food I started to feel sick again. There was so much there...oh god.

Sirius gave me a reassuring glance, giving me strength and courage. No. I was going to beat this sickness. I was going to fix everything. I had to.


	9. Thursday

Please...R&R...reviews of any kind make me happy ^^ but just don't shoot me flames...they burn me.

This was the day. The day I became Freak of the Month. Fantastic. I wasn't through my classes, though, so I had 'normal' things to worry about besides my transformation, like tests and O.W.L.S. (I was advanced, so I got them early. Yay.) Every time I went into my classes, the professors always shot me these pitied or piercing glares, as if they were trying to make it obvious that I was different from the other students.

Hagrid (the gamekeeper) and Professor McGonagall were the only two professors who gave me reassuring looks. Well, I considered Hagrid a professor; he just didn't know it yet.

And soon it was five in he afternoon, and dinner had arrived once more. Three more hours to go for me. Tic toc. Dinner was a blur, as I wasn't really paying close attention to anything around me. The food was tasteless, all of it tasting plain and mushy to me. I'm positive I was paler than parchment. My hands shook like an old mans does.

When my friends left for the Common Room, I stayed by the doorway to the Great Hall, waiting for Dumbledore to bring me to the Shack.

"Remus, what's going on?" James asked me. If only they knew. If only. "In Arithmancy, I was told that there was a situation at my house. They wanted me to go there to see my parents tonight," I reply, looking directly in his eyes. Oh, it's gotten so much bloody easier for me. The lies.

"Oh...sorry. Hope everything turns out alright."

"Thanks, James."

Peter and James turned to leave, but Sirius stayed back and whispered to me, "Let me go with you. Please." Of course he wanted to stay with me during my transformation. Of course he did. Of course he wanted to try and comfort me, to say everything was going to be okay in the end, but it was impossible. I would end up killing him, earning a one-way, free ticket to Azkaban for the dementors to suck up dry.

James dragged a gaping Peter away, knowing me and Sirius needed some privacy, away from them two. He gave me a wink, as if to wish me extra luck. On what, exactly? He didn't know about my 'condition'...right?

"Sirius, if you stay-" I started to say once Peter and James were out of earshot.

"I want to be there for you. Please, Remus."

"...Fine. But only if Dumbledore allows it."

There was a silence, a long and deadly silence, and then I said in a soft tone, "But I might hurt you so badly. I may kill you. God, I may even en up scarring you, mentally and or physically. I will definitely scare the bloody hell out of you, that much is certain."

Sirius punched the stone wall with his fist ith such ferocity, I expected fire to billow out of his mouth like a dragons.

"Don't you dare ever say that again. Even if we somehow become enemies and we both want to kill each other, don't you dare say that ever again. I will allows love you, Remus. I told you already, I don't give a fuck what everyone else thinks. Don't care that you're a werewolf, that you do things differently then others do. God, I wouldn't care if you were dyslexic and had all sort of impairments or mentally insane or any of that shit. I would still love you like I do right now, and that is unconditionally and eternally."

He ran his fee hand through his longish, black hair. Ooh. That was sexy. He then pulled me closer and kissed me full-on, lips tasting like the sugar cakes he had had at dinner before. He only withdrew when Dumbledore started coming closer to us.

"Professor...could I come with you two, only for the walking part?" He asked sincerely, eyes begging for a 'yes'. Dumbledore smiled a little, then nodded and began to make his way to the entrance.

We followed him outside, until we arrived at the Whomping Willow. Dumbledore drew his wand and swished it, making the Willow freeze. We then slipped into the tunnel, and Sirius clutched my hand like it was a life-line. I was beginning to smell their flesh, but I tried to ignore it.

We reached the underground entrance to the Shack, and there was a heavy, metal, dented door with a small window there to keep my locked up inside the Shack for the night. Dumbledore nodded towards me, and I let go of Sirius' hand and walked into the Shack, heart thumping like mad. The door shut soundlessly, leaving my alone in the Shack, waiting. Waiting for the monstrous side of me to emerge. Sirius, before the door completely shut, gave me a look that exchanged all the words he wanted to say to me in that exact moment.


	10. Transformation

I'm so sorry for not posting in forever- life keeps me busy. Anyways, here's chapter 10! I'm so happy it's already reached that long! Thenks for all reviews and favorites and follows and all of that stuff. I'm grateful! ^^

The minutes passed by, ticking alone like molasses. To pass the time, I fixed up the Shack, knowing it was about to get ruined once more like it did every month. I guess that took a lot of time up, because pretty soon I started to feel it: the stretching of my flesh like it was rubber bands. To describe a transformation...it's like trying to describe how horrible hell is and how amazing heaven is: it's impossible.

But basically, my flesh was being stretched longer and longer. Cracks emitted from my bones, which were shifting around like pieces of a jigsaw. Fangs stabbed themselves out from my gums, completely replacing the teeth.

The tail shot out, at first nothing more than a thin bone covered with grayed skin, but then out shot short, tough fur, racing across my heaving, growing body. Organs repositioned themselves, changing shape to suit my wolfen form better.

And finally, the pain was gone. The world was tinted a faint red, with objects a dull white color, and god could I smell. Hogsmeade smelled like a cooked ham to me, and it was irresistible to me. I could feel vibrations running through the ground to my paws, an amazing feeling that makes one feel like a god.

But then that horrid, boiling feeling of anger and bloodthirstiness erupted inside of me like magma, and I waned to shred humans apart like they were nothing more than sheets of messed-up parchment. I wanted to turn people into the freak-show that I was. And most of all, I wanted to rip the throats of every single human alive in Hogsmeade at that very moment.

But, as I, unfortunately, couldn't reached anybody, there was only one thing that could act as a substitute and replacement: myself. And so, I began to ride the agonizing carousal of self-inflicted pain, never being able to get off of it until dawn came.

Sirius' POV

As me and Dumbledore neared the main entrance of Hogwarts we heard Remus' screams start up. I winced a little, trying to imagine what he was going through. I wanted to break down into Dumbledore's arms like a friggin' teenage girl, but I didn't wanted to look weak in front of my Headmaster's eyes. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and continued to lead me into the school.

At one in the morning I was still awake and listening to the horrid music of Remus' screams. It was a never-ending song full of hatred and agony, a sound that I couldn't believe no one else heard. And finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

I snuck downstairs into the Common Room and went over to the nearly-empty bookshelf, grabbing James' Invisibility Cloak. No one else knew it was there except for me, James, Peter, and Remus, as it wasn't a very obvious spot to hide something.

I slipped out of the entrance and headed towards the Whomping Willow, the crisp night air making me shudder. God it was like fuckin' winter at night here. When I reached the Willow, I withdrew my wand and whispered, "_Imobola_," and smiled a little with satisfaction as the tree froze. I then went down into the tunnel, hearing the agonized and hellish scream growing louder and louder every step I took closer to him.

Finally, I was standing in front of the heavily-locked, metal door. I took a shuddery breath, and then looked through the window, leaning on the door with my shaking hands. The screams were so close that I wanted to scream myself hoarse and become deaf, but I was too frozen at the sight saw to even make a single sound.

Remus was ripping himself apart.

Oh god.

Oh god.

I was going to be sick.

I doubled over and emptied my stomachs contents near the door, horrified and frozen in disbelief. This was too much. Too much for me to see, to deal with right then. And yet I still looked through the window and sucked in the hellish details.

Remus was slashing and biting himself, blood running own his grey skin like rivers. His eyes were narrowed and the color of a rotting lemon, pupils nothing more then black slits. They were full of torment and anger, two emotions I had never seen in his eyes before. His screams were full of torture and hopelessness and just pure _hatred_.

That's when I noticed where exactly he was. It was wooden with creaky floorboards, and the wood was clearly worn and weathered. There was even a-

"Holy shit," I breathed. He was in the Shrieking Shack. And suddenly it all came flooding back to me. The shivers, the dizziness, the haunted gleam in his eyes. I had force him into the place where all his demons lived. There were no damn ghosts in the Shack that haunted it. There were no miserable spirits haunting it; it was him.

I slid to the dirty and cold ground numbly, senseless and frozen. Nothing computed to me. I barely noticed that Remus had started to slam against the locked door, trying to get to me and rip me apart. Oh yeah, he could probably smell me and my goddamned vomit on the corner over there.

I finally curled up into a tiny ball in the other corner and screamed at the top of my lungs into my arms, wishing everything would just end.


	11. Werewolf

Please R&R...and thenks to all those who did! ^^

And I'm so sorry that this one is so short, but I promise the next one will be much longer. I haven't been in my best writing mood lately.

Remus' POV

I woke up in the Shack, cold and feeling worse than dog crap. It was even worse then a fucking hangover after having twenty butterbeers. I realized I was freezing cold, as if there had been a blizzard while I was 'away'.

Of course, whenever a werewolf transforms back into a human, it doesn't exactly have clothes on that just magically appeared. I hadn't actually seen my body for a while, and I myself was shocked and frozen in disbelief.

"What the fuck?"

My ribs jutted out like mountains that had been moved into the middle of a barren desert. My pale skin looked almost translucent, and it appeared to be stretched over my bones, which stuck out like hills. My knees looked uncontortional and knobby for my skinny legs, and they looked like they belonged on somebody else and not me.

It was disgusting.

And it was beyond humiliating for me.

I didn't know it had gotten that bad. How could I have ever done this to myself in the first place? How could anyone do that, for that matter? How could Sirius even deal with me like this, anorexic and beyond skeletal plus monstrous?

I heard a slight sound coming from outside in the tunnel, and I instinctively curled up into a protective ball. Every nerve felt raw, as if I had been burned up in a fiery furnace. My pale skin was on fire even though it was pretty cold for me.

"...Remus..."

I stiffened a little at the sound of my name. It was Sirius' voice saying my name weakly, and I curled up even tighter. No. He couldn't see me like this. I wouldn't let him.

"...Remus...please..."

There was a sudden fit of harsh coughing that stopped him from saying anything else, and that caught my attention. Sirius was hurt. _Seriously_ hurt. "Oh god," I breathed, shakily standing up. What if...what if I had done something to him What if he had come back into the room, and I had thrown him out after clawing him up? What if he was about to die because I had lost even more control?

I moved over to the door slowly, using the walls to help me. Skin ice cold and pale as a bone, I looked through the small window. Instantly the scent of blood and vomit washed over me like a wave of shit. Just great.

"Sirius, you okay?" I asked, voice hoarse from the screaming.

"Nuh...no."

" It's locked from the outside; I can't get out by myself."

There was a little scuffling, and then I heard him whisper a spell, and then the locks became unlocked. I opened the door a crack, and then opened it a little more and slipped outside, narrowly missing the vomit. I instantly saw Sirius curled up into a human ball.

He was huddled close to the tunnels dirt wall, black curls dripping with sweat and blood. He was pale then usual, and he shuddered uncontrollably. Blood was painted on his clothes and skin like gruesome paint, and horrific gashes sliced into his chest and arms like cruel tattoos.

"Holy shit...Sirius what happened? Who did this to you?" I grabbed his face with one hand, wiping away some blood with my thumb. I drew closer to him and felt no heat emanate off from him, something that was slightly eerie to me. His eyes, his glazed-yet-beautiful eyes, somehow managed to meet mine, and then he breathed out, "Werewolf."


	12. The Game

Please R&R…^^ thenks. And if you don't like sex-like scenes, then I highly suggest you skip this chapter- Remus shows Sirius some very…interesting moves.

I was petrified, unsure of what exactly I was supposed to do. I didn't know if I should go run and get help, or if I should just wait until a professor came and saw this. But then…then they'd connect the dots and think that I did this to my boyfriend. Of course, I had no proof that I hadn't. And I was naked, so running to get help wasn't going to work out well for me.

I took Sirius' wand from his shaking hand, and then I breathed, "_Vulnera Sanantur_," and then released the breath I hadn't known that I was holding when I saw the gashes start to heal up slowly. Thank God for magic and spells.

As the wounds healed, I wasn't sure what to do. If I told the professor what had happened, then I would likely be sent to Azkaban and eventually receive the dementors kiss. If I didn't, then Sirius would probably babble it out without even meaning to in his half-conscious state. And even if that didn't happen, then I would never know what exactly happened, and I would always assume that it was me that had done all of…_that_…to him.

"…Remus?"

Sirius grabbed my arm, determination glowing in his eyes. I crouched next to him, then said, "Yes, Sirius?"

"Shoulda come…earlier then now…"

This got a laugh out of me, but then I got serious and asked him in a soft voice, "What happened last night, Sirius? Why did you come back and stay the night here?"

"I…I didn't want to leave you alone. You sounded lonely, and I hated that. And…I'm sorry for puking over there, but I guess it was a little too much for me."

"You think?"

A breathy laugh escaped his lips, and he smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess."

"Last night, when I was staying here, I heard something come down the hallway. I stood up and saw that the damn door was still tightly shut, and that you were still in there, so I withdrew my wand and made my way down. I made it about halfway until I saw a huge, tall thing standing there, breathing heavy and all. So, I cast _Lumos_, and then I saw the werewolf."

His eyes were huge now, and it would've been funny if we weren't speaking about such a serious topic. I shivered from the cold, the cold wind blowing into the tunnel from outside. Sirius was too trapped within his own story to even notice.

"I swear to God, it was taller than the tunnel itself; that's why it was sorta crouching down. Anyway, it was muscled and there were massive, knotted scars racing all along his body. I don't even wanna know how many fights he's been in. Anyway, he sort of looked into my eyes, and then it was like he spoke to me using his mind. The connection was…intense, shall we say."

He took a breath, then continued with his story. "He told me that he wanted to see you very badly, and that you were his 'greatest weapon so far.' That scared me a bit, so I tried to stop him from passing but he just shoved me aside like a rag doll. I shot a ball of electricity at him from where I was sprawled on the ground, and then things got…ugly."

"After all that happened, I guess I had blacked out for a few minutes, because next thing I know it's six in the morning and the sun's peeking out from the hills. I crawled towards your door, not even caring if I was hurting myself even more, and then I think I passed out again when I got to the wall. And then I woke up to a sort of squelching sound, and I guessed that you were changing back to human form…speaking of, where are your damn clothes? You must be freezing!"

He tore off his bloodied shirt and shoved it into my arms, and then he seemed to realize that he wasn't injured anymore. "Wha…Remus, I swear on my life that I was-"

"I know. I had to use your wand to heal you. Sorry for stealing your wand, but I couldn't take seeing you bleed to your death."

He smiled a little wryly, and then said, sounding like a concerned mother, "Now but the bloody shirt on before you freeze up into a snowman. I wouldn't want to explain to Dumbledore how you were transformed from human to snowman."

I sighed, then reluctantly tugged on the shirt that was quite large on me, and I smiled a little at that. My wearing Sirius' shirt made him look like he was severely obese, something which, of course, was not true.

"So…when does a professor come down here to get you?" Sirius asked, a bright light shining in his eyes. "Well, it depends on who it is. Professor Dumbledore usually comes at seven, and McGonagall arrives very early, maybe at six thirty. Hagrid comes at eight, but he rarely ever comes to get me. And the other professors are too scared to even venture down here."

He moved closer to me, his warm breath exhaling. Warmth emanated from his body as if he were a radiator. He drew me closer to him in a sort of hug, and then he said, "You need the warmth. I don't want you to freeze to death."

Our backs were pressed against the wall as his heat was transferred to my shivering body. Strangely, I didn't even feel weird not having any pants or boxers on. Besides, the shirt was long enough so that my ass wasn't on the dirt.

Sirius then kissed my lips softly, as if cautious about how I would react. Well, he might as well have set fire to some timbers. My hands grabbed at his black hair, shoving our lips together even more. He had made his move in the hospital; now it was my turn.

I moved so that I was kneeling on his legs, a position comfortable for the both of us, and then I proceeded on, lips connected and tongues intertwined. God he was beautiful. He was beautiful in every way humanly possible, and I loved it.

Sirius' back was pressed against the dirt wall, and my hands meshed up his hair, grabbing at every lock of that sexy midnight hair I could get to. Damn. This was amazing. We both slid upwards in perfect harmony, my leg wrapped around his waist tightly. My left hand drops from his hair, and my arm wraps around his neck. His hands grab my slim shoulders, and I wince a little at the touch but continue anyways.

We're both pressed together, and I can feel his heart pounding into my chest, both of our hearts leaping into the other chest from the excitement. Sirius was breathing hard, an occasional groan here and there, and that only added to our symphony.

I knew that Sirius knew that I would feel uncomfortable without 'my' shirt on, and I knew it was hard for him _not _to tear it off and discard it to the floor. Guilt shot into my heart, but it quickly vanished as I felt his erection press onto mine.

My hands traced downwards on his body until there was no longer any skin left to trace, and then I grabbed his boxers and yanked them down. I then laughed breathily, lungs heaving for air. "Sirius…I'm just getting started, and you're cuming already?"

"I always was an early-bloomer," was his response.

I laughed even more, then started to kiss his neck, occasionally biting down playfully. Sirius smirked, and then he started to grind his hips into mine, causing a moan to escape my lips. "Holy shit…oh god, Sirius…"

"Two can play at this game, Remus."


	13. Memories

Sorry it's been forever since my last update, but my life has been busy ever since school started…anyways, R&R and enjoy this chapter!

I took in deep breaths, feeling sweat drip down my skin lazily. Wow. That had been…exhilarating. Sirius sat beside me, gasping for air as well. I laughed airily, not bothering to wipe away the sweat. I had expected a professor to have come by now and seen us make out, but apparently nobody had come yet, which was a little…odd.

"Remus…god you could be a good massager."

"Phsew! And I'm related to Finnegan Earlhart."

Finnegan Earlhart was a famous and adventurous wizard from England who accompanied Christopher Columbus on his voyage under the Queens orders to 'discover' America.

"Well, you never know," Sirius said, winking. And then it suddenly hit me.

"Wait…you can't be serious…you're really related to Finnegan Earlhart?"

Sirius didn't answer, but instead gave me a small, sly smile. A coy light played in his eyes. But then he looked down the tunnel and asked curiously, "Shouldn't somebody have come by now? It must be at least eight in the morning."

I stood up, head slightly swimming from getting up too fast. I placed a hand on my temple, trying to stop the earth from spinning, and Sirius suddenly shot up, holding my shoulders defensively. "Remus! You okay?"

"Yes…I just got up too fast, that's all. I'm fine. We should try to find out why no one's coming."

He nodded, then gripped my forearm lightly and helped me make my way down the tunnel. Thank God that Sirius' shirt was long enough to cover my parts.

We walked out from beneath the Whomping Willow, which seemed to have lost all enthusiasm of destroying things with its powerful branches. We walked around the corner carefully, and then the scent hit me like a hurricane. Werewolves, in human form, have heightened senses, so sight and hearing will never become impaired as they age. The most powerful sense we have is scent. And god did it smell like crap.

Sirius looked at me, noting that I had stopped, then asked in a soft voice, "What?" But I couldn't answer back. It was like my vocal cords had been ripped out from my throat and I was left speechless and soundless. As my brain registered the scent, I was dragged back into the sea of memories I wish never existed in the first place.

_I was walking home with my mother after going to a few wizarding store. My mother had chestnut hair and pale skin, her eyes dark and cheerful. She was the sort of woman that always looked for something to do and could never sit still without doing something. She had gotten a raise at her job as an assistant in Honeydukes so she had decided to go shopping for several things that we had never had before. My family hadn't exactly been the richest, and we were pretty much on the poor side, but not once was there never food on the table. _

_As we rounded the corner of the cobblestone street that we lived on, I thought I saw a large shadow creeping next to me. But when I turned around, there was nothing there except for an old, dying tree that had scraggly branches and dead leaves laying at the bottom of its thick trunk. Our house was small and made of grey stones, blending in perfectly with the street. Inside it was cozy and warm, as it was in the middle of December and it was going to start to snow at any time that day. _

_Later that night, there was a _crack! _from outside my small window, and I got up to peer outside to see what it was. I drew away the curtains and saw the largest, most vicious-looking wolf I have ever seen before in my entire life. _

_Saliva dripped from its mouth, and its grey fur was coarse and thin on its greyed skin. It looked like it had seen better day, because there was a thin yet deep-looking gash etched into his face. Its fangs were yellowed and curved perfectly. _

_It somehow jumped through the window, even though it looked impossible big to even fit its head within the window, and then I suddenly felt the yellowed fangs snap down into my bicep, my blood squirting out like Muggle ketchup. I screamed out for my mother, knowing that my father was at his Ministry job. _

_But she never came. It was like she couldn't hear me screaming out her name. Maybe the werewolf had killed her already. Oh god. And then suddenly the wolf was gone, slipped through the window again and leaving shattered glass on my floor. And then liquid fire started to spread through my entire arm like magma. And I realized with horror that I was now whatever he had been, and I realized that I was a monster in the flesh. _

I blinked away the memories, realizing that Sirius was looking at me with growing concern. "Sorry.. Sorry…it's just…"

"What is it?"

"I think I know the werewolf you saw yesterday…the one that, um…"

"Attacked me?"

"Yes."

"So then what's his name?" He asked, expressionless and completely serious.

"Greyback. Fenrir Greyback."

And then there was a bloodcurdling scream that pierced the crisp, morning air like an arrow.


	14. Rain

Hot damn it's been awhile.

I've decided to redo the story from chapter 14 and on, because I felt like it was getting too confusing and kinda like a puzzle with several missing pieces. Also, because I think I have gotten better at writing during the past four months of not even writing this story, because writers block really does suck assballs.

If you think I should just redo the entire story, please tell me in a PM or just in a review. Any favs, alerts, or review is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

***WARNING*** This chapter contains some heavily scary shit, along with some gore and so on Please do not read this if you can't handle things like that. Thank you all very much again.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Me and Sirius instantly raced towards Hogwarts, the scream echoing hauntingly in my mind, Images from the past carved at the inner walls I had built t protect myself, but I ignored them. Couldn't focus on that shit right now. Couldn't. Wouldn't. Nope, not gonna happen.

When we reached the front gate, the sickening stench of death and blood overpowered my nose like a heat wave of horror. Sirius seemed unfazed by it, and then suddenly we were inside, as if he had been teleported. The gates were shut behind us, which meant the only way out was to go through the tunnel and go back to the 'Shrieking Shack'.

"Do…do you think that Fenrir could've done something like this?" I asked, shivering a little. That was a stupid question. Why the fuck would Sirius know? He snorted, ice enveloping his eyes and voice. "How would I know shit about Fenrir? You're his little bitch on a leash, not me."

His words were like a poisoned dagger to my heart, stabbing again and again. A flash of white, and then suddenly the curse hit me like an inferno straight from hell…

No.

I could control these memories.

I had to.

As we walked towards the main doors, I saw puddles of rich, scarlet blood pooling through the spaces and cracks of the stone ground. Gnats and flies buzzed busily around them, zipping around as if they were electrically energized. It left me with a sick feeling deep down into my gut.

As if we had been teleported we were now in the Great Hall. At the sight my stomach had had enough and promptly rebelled, sending to my knees. Sirius didn't seem to notice, and that was…strange. But then…what if he had been lying to me about everything? What if this was his last prank on me, in front of the entire school?

"No one could love you, you little piece of shit. You're a monster, and all monsters deserve nothing but hell and damnation."

I blinked away the memory, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and shakily stood up.

The Great Hall contained every member of Hogwarts. Every student, every Prefect, every professor, and every portrait. Blood ran down from their eyes and mouths, and each person was slumped bonelessly over a table. All the food was rotten with maggots squirming and wriggling through the sweets and blackened meats.

The flesh was rotted away on some students, and the bones smiled venomously at Sirius and I. Thick, dark red blood oozed down the corpses, down the seats, and dripped slowly onto the cold, stone floor. The air, besides smelling of death and blood, also smelled old and ancient, as if this had happened a hundred years ago. Cobwebs had webbed themselves into each open, rotten mouth, and every eye socket available.

I went to turn to Sirius, but then stopped and nearly screamed. Sirius' head was only being held by a thick, woolen, bloodied thread, and thin streaks of dark blood ran down from where the two pieces were meeting. His eyes were replaced by massive, gaping black holes that had thick, black sludge dripping down from each in streaks. He held out his hands stiffly, as if being controlled by strings from above. His hands and body were splattered with black sludge and dark crimson blood, and half his mouth was stapled shut. His head suddenly limply cocked to the left, and I could see the woolen thread was under stress on his right side.

"Welcome home, Remus. We've been expecting you for a very long, long time."

And suddenly that was the mantra spoken by every corpse in the room, spider webs remaining intact in every mouth. I stepped back as Sirius bloodied, cold hand brushed my cheek, leaving sludge smeared on it like muck. Black, hairy spiders suddenly burst through every web, spilling towards the floor. I was too sickened, too panicked to scream, and red and black flashed across my vision before there was nothing.

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I slammed my bedroom, gasping for air. He was coming. HE WAS COMING. I took out my wand and shut the windows tightly, making sure that he wouldn't be coming through them any time soon. I leaned carefully against the door, feeling the cold wood against my back. And suddenly it was shaking, making me jump. Oh shit. He was really going to kill me. He was really pissed this time.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed through the door, tears spilling over naturally. The door didn't stop shaking, didn't stop rattling away. I ran into my closet, flicking my wand to shut the doors. I shuffled over to the furthest away corner, sobs racking my body. He was going to kill me this time. He was going to get away with it too.

The door stopped rattling, and for a second I thought he was done. Suddenly, it was shoved open off its hinges by a powerful spell, and I knew it wasn't over. I curled into a ball, stowing away my wand so he wouldn't find it. He was going to find me, just like he always did. And I was really going to die this time.

"Remus, get your fucking ass right here! Come out you stupid, fucking bastard!" His voice thundered right outside the closet doors, and I cowered even more. He then laughed mercilessly; something like iron nails being dragged across a chalkboard.

"Oh. So now you're hiding like a bitchy little girl in the closet, is that it? How very brave of you Remus. Hor brilliantly brave of you. Now I'm gonna teach you a lesson that you'll never forget. No, you won't fucking ever forget, you fucker."

The closet doors crash in, and suddenly he's standing right there, in fucking front of me. His eyes are bloodthirsty and crazed, like a rabid animals right before a kill. I couldn't do anything but wait. Wait for my own blood to start pooling down onto the ground. Wait for the agonizing torture to begin, just like it did nearly every day of every week of every month of every year of my damned life.

Red sparks danced furiously at the tip of his deadly, willow wand, and then he shouted manically, "CRUCIO!" The red streak of light hit me like a Muggle rocket, racking my body with agonizing spasms. Pain beyond words or comprehension branded itself cruelly into my organs and skin.

"Again! Again!" he repeated, a wild glee shining in his eyes like wildfires. "Again! Again! Again!"

Again and again the torture played itself out on its bloodied stage, and again he forced the uncontrollable, agonizing spasms to rack my body and seize control of it for a few seconds. Each wave of pain grew more intense than the previous one, and every cell, every part of me screamed for a second of relief. I screamed out unconsciously that I was sorry, that I would try to change myself, that I'd try to control myself, but they fell to deaf ears. He never, ever stopped. He never did. Whenever he came towards me there would always be pain involved.

I lay in a pool of thick blood, of my own life liquid, body involuntarily shivering and sending agonized pain waves coursing throughout my entire system. He was done. He was finally done with his play for today. Tomorrow…no. Don't focus on the future. He bent over me, then sneered, "Next time, fuck a dirty, little cunt instead of another fucking faggot like yourself."

He spit, and then gave a hard, final kick to my already shattered ribs, making me wheeze in pain and gasp for air. He smiled a little at his handiwork, then walked out the doorway like this was an ordinary day, like this wasn't the wrong thing to do. But, it was just another day for the both of us. This was our normal, and there was no stopping it.

I crawled over to get my wand, ignoring the sickening squelches my body made as the open flesh was dragged across the splintered floor. Shadows tugged at my vision on the edges, but my hot tears erased them. My blood and tears mixed together, and whenever the salty tears hit a wound I hissed in air at the pain of salt meeting open flesh. I grabbed my wand, and healed myself, gasping for air as each bruise, each gash, each carving healed itself up. Skin knit together, leaving not a mark behind. Muscles married once again, and it was stunning how many times they had divorced each other.

At least he was done.

At least my father was done with what he did best.

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"-mus!...burning up…"

"Here, this…help him a little…"

Silence. Heavy, booming silence. Flashes of color. Hot, stickily hot, then freezing in the sudden ice that was everywhere. Pain exploded like bombs with every involuntary shiver, every tremor, every quake. Sounds morphed together. Black, then light grey that then faded into pure white. Shifting positions. Agony. Hot. Cold. He was burning. Agonizing flames covered everything, burning everything down and turning it into ash. Flames crawled over his body at such a slow rate, that a sloth would be able to have gotten out of that building without getting burned.

Was he even in a building?

He wasn't exactly sure where he was, actually. All he knew was that he was freezing now. Ice cold. Ice shards needled underneath his flesh and burst out, sending frost to cover his skin with its icy breath. Was it raining now? Liquid dropped down on him from above. It was hot. But how could it be hot when he was stuck in an avalanche?

"Remus, please…-n't just do…"

Sounds. It was all only just a bunch of sounds. Just like that agonized, hellish, harsh screaming. Shut up. Jesus. He was trying to…trying to what, exactly? He couldn't remember. His throat felt shredded and ripped apart for some reason. Red, hot flames licked at his flesh. Was this hell? Good. Good. Things were back on track, because all monsters are supposed to go to hell when they die, right? They all deserved damnation, right? Didn't somebody tell him that a long, long time ago? He thought so. He couldn't remember. Where the hell was he? What was going on? What…what…

Good. Agony. Screams of pain. Screams in every pitch seared into his mind. More voices, trying to be soothing. Flashes of red. Some weird coppery taste in his mouth. Sweet blackness followed.

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"Headmaster, will he be alright?"

"Of course he will. Just give him some time for his body to react to the transformation, and he'll be alright."

There wasn't anymore rain after that.


	15. Scream

This story is pretty much almost up, really. I think hiatus' help clear an author's mind a little, because it's given me some newer ideas for this story and others that will (hopefully) be coming.

I also guessed that Lupin was bitten during the break between his first and second year at Hogwarts. If there is an actual time period, please don't yell at me. I'm not some historian on Hogwarts or the Harry Potter characters.

Also, one other thing. This chapter there will be a lot of language said **against **homosexuals. If you are offended, I apologize. I am pro-gay, and I mean nothing by it at all. I didn't write it into the story to offend anyone out there; it was meant for the story and purely only for Lupin's past.

Also, all typos are mine, because I'm amazing like that.

Thank you all for reading, and please drop a review- they're very helpful for my writing.

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I wake up in a dark, cold stone room, cobwebs strung into the corners. For I second I wonder where Sirius could be, but then I remember the Great Hall. My stomach rolls, but I manage to push what little is left in my stomach and keep going. Then the truth decides to do a round-about and punch me straight in my gut, and that bile won't stay down.

Because this is all my fault. All of it, is my fault. I'm the reason all of Hogwarts is dead. I'm the reason Sirius and James and Peter and…oh god. I've killed Dumbledore. I've killed the greatest, the wisest wizard of all time.

More acidy bile pushes itself out, leaving that 'wonderful' acid taste in my mouth. I deserve this. I've killed everyone. I should be sentenced to Azkaban for an eternity and be left to rot there. This is my fault for bringing Fenrir to Hogwarts, and it's my fault that Sirius had gotten attacked by him. This is all my fault, and I feel so sick with myself. Disgusting. I'm such a pathetic, disgusting creature.

"No one could love you, you little piece of shit. You're a monster, and all monsters deserve nothing but hell and damnation."

Shut up. Shut the fuck up. I can't pay attention to the memories of the past, of her. I can't. Because I…I…

"What, you don't deserve it?"

She's right there next to me, every detail perfect right down to the bone. Her hair is light brown and is in a simple bun. There are a few loose strands that somehow make her seem a little bit older. A small green sweater covers her chest, and a simple dress covers her body up to her knees. Her eyes are dark green with lightning sparking in them, and a gold necklace wraps itself around her neck.

God how I wish the necklace would just choke her to death.

"Is that what you were going to think? That you didn't deserve any of this?"

Suddenly she's right in front of me, icy cold fingers digging into my cheeks as she tightly holds my chin in her palm. "That's wrong, Remus. So very wrong. You're wrong. Because you deserve. Every. Last. Bit."

My view tilts as I collapse onto the cold, tone floor, and there's a strange ringing in my ears before everything explodes into midnight.

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I crawl over to the door, the fire starting to burn away at my veins. Glass shards are scattered all over my wooden floor, but I could care less. I had to make sure my mum was okay. The monster had crept through the window that it had previously leapt through to attack me. I shove my door open and staged down the hallways and stairs until I find my mum in the kitchen, simultaneously cooking with her wand. Why the hells is she cooking in the middle of the night? My father doesn't eat anything when he comes home, which is probably very soon.

"Mum…" Oh god it hurts. It's worse than what my father does to me. The monster bit me several times, and then it had left, vanished. From the bites came this silvery liquid, and…fuck this hurt. I knew my mum hated me too, but maybe… "Mum!"

She turned slightly, then turned fully and absorbed the scene in front of her. Me, bloodied with weird silvery liquid spilling out from wounds, leaning against the table. Bites stabbed into my chest and biceps mercilessly. My mum whipped out her wand towards me, a white light shooting from the tip. I was shoved against the wall, the white light constricting and immobilizing me,

"What have you done with my son?"

"Mum, I-"

"Where the hell is my son?"

The white lights tighten, and the fire burns even more. Black, spidery lines have started to web my vision, and cotton has appeared out of nowhere and stuffed itself into my ears. Oh god. Just kill me already. Just kill me al-

The white light vanishes, but is only replaced by the bloody red one that I ma all too familiar with. I scream for her to stop, scream that I am her son, that something came and attacked me. I can't stop screaming, though. Even when my throat begs for relief and my lungs empty, I scream on. Because I can't do much more than that. Because I'm so goddamned weak that it's sickening. Somehow tears have popped up and are forcing themselves out of my eyes, but neither of us notices it too much. I'm too busy screaming, and my mum is too busy torturing me, her son, her own flesh and blood.

My mum leans over, wand tip pressed harshly into the side of my neck. "Your father told me about how you fucked Malcolm Cox a few nights ago. You think we didn't notice you sneaking off in the middle of the night, huh? You think we don't know what kind of freak you are? O did you think that we don't know what butterbeer and sex smells like?"

The wand digs deeper into my neck. Fuck that hurts. It'll be leaving a bruise for sure. "You think I want a faggot for a son, huh? What kind of sick mind do you even have? What sort of monster fucks other males?"

I want to fight back. Oh god I really do. I've wanted to fight back ever since this all started back when I was five. I'm eleven now, and my second year at Hogwarts is in less than three weeks. But I can't fight, because if I do I'll be punished even worse. I've learned that lesson many times, and I don't think I can take it anymore.

The fire has vanished from my veins, or maybe I'm just in too much pain to really notice it anymore. My mum's still talking in her horrible voice, even though there's too much cotton stuffed into my ear drums for me to really hear anything except for my pounding heartbeat.

But suddenly there's a rush of red hot anger and adrenaline that seizes control of my senses. Ot's a rush full of hatred and anger and pure energy, but then suddenly I find myself standing over my unconscious mum, blood trickling from her nose and a corner of her mouth,

Oh shit. Shitshitshit. What the hell have I done?

Before I even understood what was going on, I had rushed upstairs and grabbed things, pushing them into a bag. Wand. Blanket. Some leftover sweets from James that he had given me for the break. An old storybook with 'The Tale of Three Brothers' in it that Peter had given me for Christmas last year. My school supplies.

I ran to the door, heart racing at the speed of a dragons flight. I was running. I had no idea where, but I was running away from this hell and never coming back, no matter what.

"No one could love you, you little piece of shit. You're a monster, and all monsters deserve nothing but hell and damnation." My mum cracked out, sitting up slowly on the floor. No. I was done taking shit like this. No more. "You can go fuck yourself if you can evern reach down there, because I am done." I then walked out of the house, the door shutting loudly behind me.

And then reality hit. Because my father would be coming home any minute now.

With that thought I ran.

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Something cold as ice was on his hand. So cold it almost burned. It wasn't raining again, and somehow that was a very good thing to him. It just felt…right. "The Headmaster says another day or two and you'll be doing better."

Sound. It was a new concept or invention to him. Interesting.

"Remus…I'm right here. I'll always be right here for you."

Stop lying. Whoever they were, they needed to stop lying. Because everyone had left him. Because everyone always ended up abandoning him…hating him.


	16. Fire

Hello again! =)

Special thanks goes to ferret assassin nin for making me explode in my chair by seeing another review. =) Seriously guys, they make me really happy. So, ferret assassin nin, thank you again!

This story's almost done, unfortunately. There's just two more chapters (including this one) and then the epilogue, and then it's finished. I will probably be re-writing the chapters from before chapter 14, but the main story line will be remaining. I'll probably just ad some more details and all that stuff.

Thank you for all reviews, favs, PMS, and alerts.

All typos belong to me, but the characters do not…yet.

*rant over*

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I can hear the yells, the _zips! _and _zaps!_ of curses flying in the air and narrowly missing me. Somehow my father has found me, and he brought an entire group along with him for support. Where or how he got them, I don't know. I'm guessing he probably bribed them or threatened them. Probably both.

Red light shot right over my left shoulder, and without looking I whipped my wand back. I didn't know if I had hit anything or anyone. Maybe I did. All I knew was that I was going to James' house. It wasn't that far away from my house, and it was the only solution. Sirius' family was…complicated, and Peters parents had enough to deal with and didn't need another mouth to feed.

I was running through the woods, occasionally skidding so I could run to either side in what little evasion I could work with. Green, white, blue, and blood red lights shot after me, miraculously missing me as if I had a guardian angel protecting me. I had never really thought about God and that sort of stuff, and it seemed weird to think about that right now, especially when I was running from people who wanted me dead. For a minute there, there was hope embered into my heart…

…and then I slammed into a stone wall.

I looked around, realizing that I was completely surrounded by massively tall stone walls, and the only exit was the way I had come. I didn't know a lot of spells, but then what the hell could I possi-

They were all there. They blocked the only exit I had left. _Don't panic, Remus. Don't panic_, I told myself. Bu my body just wouldn't listen to my thoughts, and my heart suddenly sped up even more than it had when I had been running for my life.

Each differed in wand, stature, size. But I could tell that they all hated me. My father stepped forward, and I pressed my back against the stone wall. Shit.

"So now, instead of fucking other faggots like yourself, you now attack your own mother. What a monster."

"Burn 'im!" A short man with greasy, stringy hair said in a horribly nasally voice. "Burn the bastard!" A deep voice thundered, and soon everyone was saying it in some sort of chant. Oh, fuck me. I was really fucked this time. All the beatings, the verbal abuses, the 'fights', the punches thrown and kicks received, had all led up to this, where he finally killed me.

It made me sick.

But then, from the abuses and the curses being screamed out at me, was a booming, "Fiendfyre!" Fire swept across the ground, creating a wall that separated me from the insane mob. There were more 'fiendfyre!'s and 'incendio!'s, and soon there was a great wall of billowing flame, rising higher and higher with each spell that added to its power.

Tress crashed down as the flames devoured them, and burning embers rained down from the sky like hellish, acid rain. Somewhere in the midst of this the mob had left, probably running for their own safety. I was trapped. Stone on my sides and back. Fire in front of me. Fuck. Me. I was going to die. No spell I knew could get rid of fire or separate the flames long enough for me to jump through safely.

There was only one solution, and I hated it. It was either that or burn to death. I knew that I was stupid, useless, but I just _had _to stay alive. I took in a deep breath, placing a firm right leg back and my left leg forward. The next time I inhaled, I sprinted forwards. Right before I passed through the flames, my arms crossed over my face like a 'X', and my head turned to the left, eyes shut.

For a second there was searing, white pain, and I could smell my very flesh sizzling off my bones. For I second I smelled overcooked meat and bubbling muscles. For a second there was nothing but pain and agony and FUCK!

But then I crashed down into leaves and twigs, and things turned colorless and grey.

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I'm not sure how, but somehow I got to James' house. Flashes of staggering through a forest, falling a few times into mucky mud and leaves. I remember looking down and seeing my forearms were completely blackened, and I didn't know why. I also didn't know why there was a stick piercing into my left thigh, and why the hell wasn't my left leg working correctly at all? There was also something about leaning against a wall, and then pounding against a heavy, wooden door. It was opened, and then I was falling.

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Someone was saying "Vulnera sanentur," over and over again. Whatever that meant.

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According to James and Sirius, I had been unconscious for three days straight. James' mum had opened the door, and instantly I had ended up collapsing on her. She had also been the one to faithfully heal me for two hours straight. Sirius had run away (again) from his horrid 'home' to James' house. I stayed there for the rest of the vacation.

During that time, I learned what family truly was.

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"Professor, I think he's waking up!"

Movement. Shifting positions again. Again? Had that really happened before? It wasn't hot…or cold, either. That was a…good thing? The ice cold thing was back on his hand, and it felt good to feel something with a temperature.

"Remus, lemme see your eyes."

Blackness turned into a swirling mass of colors and light. Simple noises turned into distinctive voices and words and sounds that were understandable. "Remus!"

"…S'rus…" a tired voice answered.


	17. Awake

Heya again!

Well, here it is. The last chapter. Of course, there'll be an epilogue, but still. Last chapter here. It's kinda depressing for me, but as soon as I have time (which will probably be later tonight) I'll be re-writing the first chapter. =)

Thank you for any review, PM, fav, or alert. To any of you who do that, please take a Firebolt, a Hedwig, or an Elder Wand.

Typos are mine, but characters (except for Scarlet) belong to JK Rowling.

Enjoy!

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Colored masses turned into shapes, and Sirius' face was to my left, some kind of emotion glittering in his eyes. I don't know why I can't recognize the emotion, though. All I was doing was wak-

Oh. Right. I wouldn't be going to any of my classes anytime soon, would I.

For a second, I was afraid that he would turn into that creature I saw at the Great Hall. But his neck was unstitched, his mouth was unstapled, and his head is being held on perfectly by his muscles.

He's just…Sirius.

I see Dumbledore through the corner of my eye, but I can only truly and really focus in on Sirius' face somehow. But that's okay, because I would only be looking at him anyways. He's the only person I can really see, the only voice that I can really completely comprehend. For a second there was no nightmare world that I had been stuck in for a few days because of my transformation. For a second there was no such thing as monsters or dead students or my parents.

For a second everything was perfect.

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I was released from the hospital ward after being there for a week. I'd lost even more weight, which was a slightly depressing setback on my recovery route back to a normal weight for someone with a condition like mine.

Condition. It felt nice to call it that. I wasn't a monster. I was a _person. _And it felt really, really good to finally realize that about myself.

"Does that happen whenever you transform? The sickness, I mean," Sirius asked when we had reached the common room. I had forced us to pass the Great Hall first, just to reassure myself that nothing like that had ever happened. Sure enough, the Great Hall looked fresh and amazing as usual, and every single student was accounted for and very much alive.

"Usually, it's not as…violent. I mostly just get sore or have stomachaches, and Madame Pomfrey gives me tonics and potions to help soothe them and sort them out."

A thought suddenly pops up, and I just have to ask Sirius.

"Sirius, did…did a werewolf attack you after my transformation was over?" Sirius looked a little confused, but then said, "No, of course not. All I know is that I stayed right by the door, but when I woke up you were unconscious and…" He looked away for a moment, and then finished quickly with, "and seizing. I ran to get Dumbledore, and he brought you to the Hospital Ward."

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it a little. "Hey. I'm okay now. Well, as good as I can be right now. But I won't be going anywhere, not anytime soon, okay?"

Sirius smiled a little, then pecked my cheek and said, "Okay."

So everything after the transformation had faded…it hadn't been real. The attacks, the killings…the make-out session…it had all been a part of the fever-induced nightmares. Hearing Sirius admit it in a way sealed it as the truth, and it gave me extra reassurance about it.

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Straight away, after Potions class finished, I headed to Dumbledore's office. "Sproingle syrup," I said before the statue could even ask the password. I smiled a little, the memory of that day with Sirius forcing me to eat the sweet syrup.

"Ah, Remus. What can I do for you today?" Dumbledore asked, standing a little to the side of Fawke's perch. His desk was, as usual, cluttered with parchment and books and several other strange items. "I just wanted to ask for a few hours off whenever I can. I…I need to see some people, to talk some things over, that's all."

He smiled a little, understanding in his eyes, and then said, "you'll need to bring a professor with you if you'll be leaving Hogwarts for a few hours."

"Professor Crystal already agredd, sir."

"Then I suppose you'll be off, then."

There was slightly awkward-yet-comfortable silence, and then I stammered, "W-wait, right now?"

"If it's alright for you and Professor Crystal, then yes, right now would be fine."

My heart started to pound, but I thanked him anyways and left for the professors office.

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We stood outside the stone house that had three floors, dark wooden floors, and a small kitchen. Floors that had been stained with my blood and stomach bile in the past. I'd bet five Knuts that my old room had been turned into storage or a guest room. "Do you want me to come with you, or wait outside?" Professor Crystal asked, ice blue eyes softening a little. She was one of the very few professors at Hogwarts who didn't actually hate me and wasn't afraid of me.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine. Thank you, though."

My parents' home. They hadn't seen me in four years, as I had been living with James and Sirius during that time. I went up to the door and knocked three times, heart pounding and hotness spreading at the back of my neck. I felt like I needed to say to them that I had forgiven them, that I didn't hate them anymore. Yes, they were horrid people, but I still forgave them for everything that they had put me through, for every 'Crucio!' yelled and every beating.

Maybe then they'd realized what they'd done.

A woman with straight raven black hair, tanned skin that had a soft glow to it, and dark red eyes answered, dark red lips forming a slight smile. She was wearing Muggle clothes, with black, ripped skinny jeans, a black leather jacket, (apparently, in the Muggle world, they were considered 'cool') black knee-high boots, and a black V-neck underneath the leather jacket. Black half gloves with chains hanging off them in loops covered her hands, and a choker with a dark red jewel snaked around her neck.

"Yes?"

I was taken aback, then realized she was waiting for an answer. "Ah, um, are the Lupins here? I just wanted to talk to them." The woman laughed a little, though it was empty of happiness. "Those fuckers haven't lived here for three and a half years. They were taken by the Ministry of Magic for horrific abuses against their son, and they were sentenced to Azkaban for ten years each."

She opened the door a little more, and a sleek black snake with huge, orange-yellow eyes was curling around her boots slowly, as if trying to be sexy. The woman leaned in a little bit, then said, "Though, from what I've heard, they both died and were buried in Grace Cemetery. I forgot how they died, exactly, but all I know is that they were driven mad."

She snorted, annoyance shining in her eyes and body language. "Phsew! As if they deserved a proper burial like that. After what they put their son through? I would rather face Voldemort than have to endure what he had to go through!" The woman then blushed a little, then hurried on and said, "Forget the whole Voldemort thing. He's not that important."

I was shocked speechless, emotions battling each other for supremacy. I wouldn't have really cared about this Voldemort guy, even if I hadn't been stunned. My parents had died. My…abusers, torturers, had gone. Forever. And, to think that even the Ministry had stepped in, especially for someone like me…

"Hey, you okay?"

I blinked, realizing that tears were spilling over. I laughed, wiping the excess water away, then said, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…" I stopped, looking into the woman's ruby red eyes. "I'm sorry for bothering you." She shook her head and smiled, then said, "No, no, it's fine." She stuck out her gloved hand, then said, "I'm Scarlet Riddle. It was a pleasure to help you, Mr…."

"Sirius. Sirius Creeves."

"Well, then, Mr. Creeves, it was wonderful to meet you."

"same here, Miss Riddle."

I turned and headed towards Professor Crystal, who then promptly Apparated us to the familiar front gates of Hogwarts.

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Scarlet Riddle quietly shut her door, smelling the scent of the werewolf for one final time. It hurt her heart, seeing him so young, so…she sighed, shaking her head to herself. She went over to her kitchen and finished crushing the herbs that she would need for her monthly potion, because later that night it was going to be a new moon.

"Oh, Remus…" she murmured, a pain stabbing at her heart again. The black snake hissed softly, now slithering on the wooden floor. She knelt down, holding her forearm out. The black snake was suddenly sucked into her forearm, and then she nodded in approval as it vanished and turned into the Death Eaters tattoo instead.

Hopefully Remus, when Voldemort was actually in power, wouldn't remember her. Because if he did, then when he was an adult he'd realize that the woman who lived in his old house was also the woman who had fallen in love with him.

She was stuck there in that time, but she had decided that it was worth it. Time travel, after all, was a tricky thing. After Remus had died, she had wanted to see him, speaking and moving around, just one last time.

Scarlet smiled a little bit more, then stood up and drew her wand from her back pocket. A pureblood vampire from the Dark Lords lineage, falling in love with a werewolf. Who'd ever thought?

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Reviews?


	18. Epilouge

So, this is it.

This is the very last part of 'E.L.F.'

And yes, after getting a few chapters into it I had realized that the abbreviation for this story turned out to be the word 'elf'.

But anyways, thank you SO much for every review, PM, alert, or fav that any of you wonderful people have left me. Thank you to those that have stuck to the very end.

...and I sound very theatrical right now, all dramatic.

But no, seriously, thanks very much for everything.

Also, this chapter Is pretty depressing and emotional, so there's your warning.

Typos are mine. Characters are not. Need I say mre?

Please enjoy this, and leave a review. Thank you!

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Dear Sirius,

I have loved you from the moment I met you. No, from the very moment I _saw _you, I loved you. And after all the adventures that we've had, after all the pranks, fights, laughs, 'study' sessions, and detentions, that love has remained.

I wish that we had kept that relationship, but I guess after James and Lily's deaths, Peter's betrayal, and your 'imprisonment', things just got a little crazy. I'm at fault as well for the breaking of the relationship that we had. After that fight…I should've never left and gone to live with werewolves for three years. It was stupid and pointless, and I'm sorry for that. You should've seen your face when you saw the scars from the werewolf fights I'd been in, especially the one on my face.

Thanks to you, I've become a stronger and wise r man. Because of you, I've had so many more opportunities in my life to do things that I've never really thought of doing before. You were the first person at my age level to accept me for who I really was inside, and you weren't afraid of my 'furry little problem'. You were and are the strongest, bravest, most selfless, and the kindest man that I've ever knew and will ever know.

Thank you.

Love,

Moony

A man with brown hair mixed with greying streaks ad a scar slashed across his face red over the letter for what seemed to be the thousandth time, then placed it into the crisp, white envelope he had brought along with him. After sealing the letter, he placed it in front of the gravestone and was silent for a moment. Then, "Tomorrow may be my last day on Earth. I thought I would just say something before I joined you, so…" He cut himself short, suddenly choked up and heat growing behind his eyes.

He then knelt down and kissed the gravestone, before standing up and saying, "I'll be seeing you soon…Padfoot." With that he turned and walked away.

~fin


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